“Mom, I want to live with you and Dad forever.”
My daughter’s endearing words pierced my heart with the juxtaposition of both joy and sadness. These mixed emotions were due to the knowledge that such a scenario would most likely not come to fruition in the future.
One of our countless responsibilities as parents is to guide and support our children on their paths towards independence and adulthood. When they are babies the days feel long but in actuality the years are fast. Sometimes I catch myself looking at my children thinking about how only a small portion of their lives will be spent living under the same roof with me and my husband. This wistful realization has helped reinforce how important it is for me to create a solid foundation in my relationships with them, in the hopes that our connection continues on into their adult years as well.
5 Ways To Build Deeper Connections With Your Child
1. Spend One-on-One Time with Them
One-on-one time with your child is one of the most impactful ways to show them they are a priority in your life. This time does not have to involve elaborate plans or special outings; it can be as simple as a 15-minute conversation before bed or a walk after dinner. What matters most is that, in that moment, your attention is solely on them. Mute your phone, put it to the side, and be fully present in the time you are spending with them.
In fact, asking them what they would like to during that time would enhance the relationship even more. By giving them the autonomy to make the decision, you are showing your child that their voice and choices matter. Additionally, quality time like this is an opportunity to understand your child on a deeper level and opens the door for more authentic conversations. It also builds a foundation of trust, which encourages them to share their feelings and thoughts. Over time, this habit of one-on-one time cultivates a safe space in your relationship where they feel comfortable coming to you with their challenges, questions, and joys.
2. Have Empathy When They Struggle
Life can be tough for kids, and their challenges—while different from adult ones—are real and significant to them. When a child feels sad, frustrated, or overwhelmed, it can be easy to dismiss or downplay these emotions. However, empathizing with their struggles, no matter how minor they may seem, sends a powerful message: their feelings are valid, and they can lean on you for support.
Empathy goes beyond simply recognizing their emotions; it involves actively listening to understand what they’re experiencing and responding with compassion. This not only helps children feel seen and understood but also teaches them to be kind and empathetic with others. Showing empathy helps build emotional intelligence in your child and deepens your connection by reinforcing that you are there for them, no matter what they are going through.
3. Acknowledge and Compliment Their Actions, Efforts, and Progress
Children thrive on positive reinforcement, and hearing genuine compliments from a parent can have a profound impact on their confidence and self-worth. When you acknowledge and celebrate their actions, efforts, and progress, you are affirming their value and helping them build self-esteem.
Whether it is a kind gesture they showed towards someone else, them trying something new, or seeing them accomplish something for the first time– let them know you noticed it. Make sure to focus on the effort and not just the outcome. For example, if they worked hard on a school project, praise their dedication and creativity, regardless of the grade they received. This teaches them to value the learning process and sends the message to them that you notice the hard work they put into things. Over time, this positive reinforcement encourages them to keep trying, take risks, and believe in their capabilities.
4. Show Interest in Their Interests
Every child has unique hobbies, passions, and curiosities, which may differ from your own. One of the best ways to deepen your connection with them is to take an active interest in these endeavors or areas of interest. Whether they are fascinated by unicorns, love to paint, or have a passion for basketball, asking questions, engaging in their activities, or simply listening to them talk about these interests can mean the world to them.
Showing interest in what matters to them sends a powerful message: you value them as individuals, and you are excited to learn about what brings them joy. And what kid doesn’t want to teach an adult a thing or two? It also allows for new shared experiences, which can strengthen your bond and give you a deeper understanding of who they are.
5. Tell Them You Love Them and Love Being with Them
Children may know they are loved, but hearing it consistently and authentically is critical for building a deep, solid connection. A simple “I love you” is extremely powerful, but going beyond those words can have an even greater impact. Let them know you not only love them but genuinely enjoy being in their presence. Express that you love hearing about their day, watching them grow, and simply spending time together.
These expressions provide a foundation of emotional security, giving your child the confidence to explore the world, take chances, and know they have your support and unconditional love. When they know that their presence alone brings you happiness, it reassures them of their worth and strengthens the connection between you.
Building a deep connection with your child is a process, not a one-time event. It is built on daily moments of presence, understanding, compassion, and purposeful love. Through one-on-one time, empathy, positive reinforcement, shared interests, and genuine expressions of love, you will establish a lasting bond with your child that will serve as a source of strength and joy for both of you. By nurturing this connection, you are not only enriching your child’s life but also shaping a meaningful, lifelong relationship.
