“What do you think your purpose is?”
My husband surprised me with this question one morning over our plates of scrambled eggs and bacon. With only a few sips of coffee in my body, I didn’t know if I could definitively answer such a deep inquiry. But, I heard myself respond, “I want to help people.” Four years earlier I had stumbled upon the book, The Power of Positive Thinking, and it changed my life. The information proposed in that book (and countless other literary texts as well) opened doors to how influential our mind, body, and soul is in our overall well-being. It took 40 years for me to discover such valuable information– I wanted others to become aware that there are attainable ways to find inner joy and peace.
But how would I do that? My husband suggested starting a blog. I love to write–since I was a child, it was my passion. But then those pesky inner voices started intruding in my mind: Am I capable of helping others? How do I start a blog when I’m not even tech-savvy? I’d have to start social media accounts– am I willing to put myself out there like that? Would people even care about what I was writing about? This was the opportunity to apply all of the strategies from the self-improvement books I had been reading. I didn’t want to be haunted by the question of what could have been. I also didn’t want to allow external and internal factors to prohibit me from achieving my purpose.
Too often people allow doubt to keep them rooted in a stagnant place in their lives. They tell themselves they aren’t skilled enough to succeed, that they don’t have the resources to take risks, and that it is safer to stick with a stable, albeit uninspiring, day-to-day way of life. Additionally, people who lack confidence often conform to societal norms because they fear judgment or rejection. They tend to doubt their own judgment, leading them to rely on external cues and follow the majority to avoid standing out or making mistakes.
What’s the antidote to doubt and discouragement? Confidence!
Confidence isn’t something we’re born with—it’s something we cultivate through mindset, habits, and action. By following these four practical steps, you can start building your self-confidence today.
How To Gain Confidence: 4 Steps
1. Push Doubt Out of Your Mind
Doubt is often the loudest voice standing between you and your goals. It whispers fears of failure, inadequacy, and uncertainty. To build confidence, you must first recognize these doubts and deliberately push them out of your mind.
When you catch yourself thinking, I can’t do this or What if I fail?, pause and challenge the thought. Ask yourself:
• Is this doubt based on facts or fears?
• What evidence do I have that I can succeed?
Doubt thrives on inaction. The more you let it linger, the stronger it grows. By acknowledging it and choosing to move forward, you weaken its grip and create space for confidence to take root.
2. Replace Doubts with Positive Self-Talk and Thoughts of Certainty
Once you’ve recognized and dismissed your doubts, it’s time to replace them with empowering thoughts. Confidence grows when you actively affirm your strengths and capabilities.
Practice positive self-talk, such as:
• I have the skills to handle this challenge.
• I am prepared and capable.
• I am worthy of success.
Visualization can also help. Picture yourself succeeding at whatever goal you’re working toward—whether it’s acing a presentation, excelling in a sport, or simply navigating a tough conversation. This mental rehearsal builds a sense of certainty, which translates to confidence when it’s time to act.
3. Set Intentions for Yourself and Work on Achieving Them Every Day
Confidence isn’t just a mindset; it’s also a byproduct of action. Setting clear intentions for yourself—both big and small—creates a roadmap for progress. These intentions serve as daily reminders of what you’re working toward and help you measure your success over time.
Start by identifying a goal and breaking it into manageable steps. For example:
• If you want to improve your fitness, set a daily intention to move your body for 30 minutes.
• If you’re working on public speaking, aim to practice in front of a small group once a week.
Consistency is key. Every step forward, no matter how small, reinforces your belief in your ability to succeed. Over time, this builds a solid foundation of confidence.
4. Live an Authentic Life Acting in Accordance with Your Beliefs and Values
True confidence stems from authenticity. When you live in alignment with your core beliefs and values, you naturally project self-assurance. Why? Because you’re being true to yourself, and there’s no fear of pretending or seeking external validation.
Take time to reflect on what matters most to you. Ask yourself:
• What are my core values?
• Are my actions and decisions aligned with these values?
For example, if integrity is important to you, build confidence by standing firm in your honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable. If kindness is a core value, practice it consistently, knowing it reflects the person you strive to be. Living authentically strengthens your sense of self and helps you feel more grounded in every situation.
Confidence Is a Journey, Not a Destination
Building confidence takes time, effort, and intention. By pushing doubt out of your mind, replacing it with positive self-talk, setting daily intentions, and living authentically, you’ll gradually develop a deep and lasting belief in yourself.
Remember: confidence isn’t about never feeling uncertain or afraid. It’s about trusting yourself to navigate challenges and show up as the best version of you. Start with these four steps today, and watch your confidence grow with each passing day.
